Goals...changes.

Its about seeing something you want to change, making the decision to change, and seeing a positive effect of the change.

On Friday the 4th of July, I ran the Butte to Butte here in Eugene. My finish time was pretty slow for my age group, and I was in the middle of the pack as far as overall runners go.

Last year I ran the race, and it was quite painful, both physically and mentally. I was overweight, virtually depressed, and overly stressed from work. Every time my feet hit the pavement it reminded me of where my life was, and how unhealthy I had become. It was hard to breathe, hard to force my legs to keep going. I had to walk alot, and I finished in 1 hour and 20 minutes, my slowest time in 5 Butte to Butte races. At the end of that race, set a goal: I would run in the race next year, and I would finish in under an hour.

I was living in Beaverton, and was about to move back down to Eugene at the end of July. This was a decision that I made in February, but gave myself plenty of outs until mid-June. I wasn't sure if the move was the right thing. I had a job making decent money, lots of friends, and a few good friends I would be leaving behind. Again though, I was gaining weight, stressing more and more, and missing my family terribly.

I felt terrible about not seeing them enough. My neices and nephews were growing up while I was away, and my siblings were experiencing life changing events without my support. So I moved.

Back to the Fourth of July race. This year, I had planned to run during the year, get in good running shape (I was a distance runner in middle school, and ran well in high school). Unfortunately in January I tweaked my knee somehow, and was afraid to run on it since I didn't have medical coverage. I did start walking, however, and gained a new respect for the positive effect simply walking can have on a body. I also started playing basketball league again in September of 07, at the same time I triaged my diet. I was broke anyway, so I had to slow down on the beer no matter what.

My diet was pretty much sandwiches, rice, noodles, vegetables and fresh fruit. It's not much different now, but I have been able to add some more variety.

I added hiking up Spencers Butte to my list of ways to get exercise, and then put the pressure on to get up the hill as fast as I can when I'm hiking by myself. Over the last 9 months with the walking, basketball, and hiking, along with cutting out about 3/4ths of the junk food I was eating, I find myself in good shape (physically and mentally) and about 25lbs lighter.

Last year my prep for the race was a couple of beers at the Eugene City Brewery with Christian. Why that seemed like a good idea I don't know, but I think I knew I was going to have a slow race anyway, so I didn't really care to prepare.

This year, I was up a little later than I planned, and I did have a beer while I was getting my things together that I would need for the race, but I ate a decent small dinner, and drank plenty of water. I got up around 6:30, took a shower and dressed for the race. Christian called to let me know he was on his way over, then we took my car over to the finish line to drop it off.

I'm totally psyched at this point. I know I feel good, I'm well rested, 25lbs lighter, and I'm ready to achieve the goal I set out to achieve one year before.

We get to the starting line and there are TONS of people (a full1300 more than the 4600 that raced last year). I stretched a little more, try to convince Christian that the hill we start out on is not as big and bad as he keeps making it out to be, its just a little bump in the road.

Starting gun goes off! Of course there was a ton of people in front of us, so it took us nearly 2 minutes to get to the actual starting line. My pace is a little slow at the beginning, it takes a while to find a pace and rhythm, its also difficult to move amongst the people who are all running different paces. I'm heading up the hill, and I'm thinking "this hill isn't so bad!". Of course, then I get to the steep part and remember "oh, it does get steep....lol." I speed walked, slow jogged that portion.

Every mile marker made me feel better. I was constantly thinking of how I felt, measuring my breathing, making sure I wasn't pushing my legs too hard (also taking it easy on my knee). I was annoyed at the 2 mile marker when I noticed my shoe was untied, and I had to stop to tie it.

I remember last year and in years past getting upset by people passing me, but this year it didn't matter as much to me, I was totally focused on myself. As a matter of fact, I had intended on writing motivating words on the back of my hands so I could read them while I was running. I forgot to do it, and remembered as we were driving up to the start area. Rather than beat myself up for forgetting to do it, I actually saw it as a positive. I would be able to change the messages as needed, as the race progressed.

It did actually work too. If I felt the urge to stop, my left hand had 'don't' and my right hand had 'stop' written on it. Sometimes they said 'keep' and 'going', other times they said 'don't' and 'forget'. Many motivating phrases magically appeared on my hands during the race, and I credit that to my determination to reach a goal, and to prove to myself that I'm NOT mentally weaker. I felt that way last year, and even in the months leading up to this race I wondered if I was going to be determined enough to run and finish strong.

Back to the race though. As I passed each mile marker, I took stock of where I was physically and mentally. I wasn't breathing hard at all, my legs felt good, and my knee didn't hurt yet. I somehow missed the 4 mile marker, which made the race go a little faster for me, since I thought I was running slow I picked up the pace a little bit. I got to the 5 mile marker and mentally prepared myself for the last 1/2 mile or so, and at this point, I did start feeling it in my knee and legs. If you've run at all, you know that the last portion of your race should be your fastest and strongest. I was able to start pushing myself harder, looking ahead to where I was on the course (I know it pretty well), and started focusing on people I wanted to pass before the finish. There is actually a video HERE of me crossing the finish line. Unfortunately you can't fast forward the video, you have to wait till the finish line clock reads my finish time of 1:02:49 to see me cross in my white tank top and blue hat.

My legs were a little giggly, but not too bad, and I was a little winded at this point, but again, not bad at all. The finish line was the BEST! Its just great to wander around with a few thousand other people who just did the same race you did. They provide drinks and small snacks at the end, so I had two pieces of watermelon, a half a banana, two bottles of water and a glass of water. I'm not sure its ever tasted so good.

My finish this year was a full17 minutes faster than last year, with an average mile improvement of 2 minutes and 30 seconds (I ran 10 minute miles). Its actually my second fastest finish out of the 5 times I've raced the Butte to Butte, the fastest being the first time I ran it (and actually trained for it). I ran it in 56 minutes that year.

I guess, in summary I've proven to myself that my will and determination are, in fact, intact. My life is not in a quandry, I'm not wandering aimlessly, I am maturing and growing, and the goals I have in life are something that I can and will achieve. Even if they change, it is important to have goals. It was a great weekend, a great race, and revealing of my character.